This evening I have come to harsh realization that I am lazy. And not in the funny “I just worked all day so I don’t feel like doing anything right now,” lazy. I’m just plain lazy. And while everything in my life that I have half-assed has always turned out all right, its been a rockier journey than it needed to be.

When it comes to having a job, I am by no means lazy. I enjoy working and I like personal interaction and bringing home a paycheck. I like to look good for my coworkers and I like it when my boss can count on me to do well for whichever company I am working at. My most recent job was Starbucks and I was great at being a coffee slave, I miss it quite a bit actually…

When it comes to personal relationships, I am semi lazy. I can fix things with my boyfriend well and I am very close with my sisters, parents, aunts, and cousins. These are relationships that are mostly easy to maintain. My ideal friendships are those that don’t require much work. My closest friends are the friends that I can call once a month to check in with and see maybe once every two months, but we are all okay with it. I don’t like needy friendships that require a lot of work, because I am not a needy person myself. If I have a friend that needs to be invited everywhere and updated on the latest t-shirt I bought its a friendship that doesn’t last for me. I’m slightly selfish I suppose.

When it comes to education…I AM SO LAZY! I don’t know where my motivational gene for education went, but I haven’t seen it since 7th grade. I like to do enough to get by. As long as I was passing I was content. I took my time at junior college, because working and staying out and not studying were more appealing than studying, of course. when the time came to apply to college, I applied to only 2 schools. I was told by a counselor at my JC that all State schools will have the same requirements and that I was on track to transfer. When my first acceptance letter to Sacramento State came, I waited to respond, because I was holding out for the school I preferred to go to. BUT that state school was a little more picky and did not accept me. By the time the rejection letter came it was too late to let Sacramento State know I would go there, so I had to wait another semester to transfer. And I knew to transfer because a friend who I transferred with told me that they were accepting spring applications and she found a place for us to move and everything. Anyways….it took me a while to graduate once I was in college, because I didn’t fully apply myself. I got a D in a class I needed for my major and I didn’t fight hard enough to get a class that I was on the wait list for, which also set me back another semester. It was so easy to blame the system for everything going wrong, because it was partially the systems fault, but mostly my lack of ambition. I never got an internship with my major, either. I needed to work. I didn’t have the money to cut back my hours to both work and intern. At the time this seemed like such a good idea.

Fast forward to a month after I graduated and walked and thought I had left college in the dust…I received a letter that told me I was 2 fucking units short and did not actually graduate. Apparently you can take everything that is required and still be short of unit requirements, which doesn’t make fucking sense. But I am sure that it is my fault that I missed that in the paperwork somewhere. So I signed up for a class online for the summer semester (because I was moving out of the state that week) and was wait listed. I called the school and learned that I could take an independent study course online for cheaper and transfer the units, which I opted to do. PERFECT. Problem solved.

Today I received a letter that I owed Sac State over one thousand dollars for my summer class that I never even knew I was officially registered in. I always assumed that when you don’t log in for the first day or pay your fees or get told that you got enrolled in a class that you weren’t in the fucking class. But there is that lazy thing again…it is my own fault for not checking back.

To top it off I can’t get a job with my degree so easily, because I don’t have any experience with anything due to lack of interning. Oh boy, I tell ya, if I could go back and re-do some things I WOULD! At what point in someones life do they realize “Hey, self, being lazy isn’t REALLY paying off!?” I am really frustrated and embarrassed with myself today over the choices that I have made leading me to this post. I hope that by publicly putting out my least flattering quality that it will help me to improve it. I can’t even begin to think about having to explain away and feel regret for lazy decisions I have made for the rest of my life, or to my future husband or kids or employers.

Maybe it’s about time to grow up and take control of things I have let slide. Anyone know of any motivational self-help books?

Today I feel lame.

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