Why does it always seem easier to harbor anger and negativity than to accept the things we have no control over and move on? The hardest challenges I have been through in my life have occurred, because I can not accept change. The changes I often don’t welcome into my life are the things that actually have no affect on the things that happen to me. For example, I lost my best friend in college because I did not like her boyfriend who had hurt her many times. In the end, she was able to forgive and accept him back into her life as her significant other, but I could not accept him and as a result of that I also lost my relationship with her. I always blamed her for changing and for settling and all that bull shit, but realistically why the hell did should it have been my business? It shouldn’t have. That is the simple answer. I saw that my friend was hurt, I was there for her and she took him back, but when I saw that my friend was so happy after it was all said and done, why couldn’t I accept that.

I work for Starbucks. I love my job.I am good at my job. It is  not very hard, but at times it can be stressful. I am used to things changing frequently within the company, every 4-6 months there is a new policy or a new routine that is to be learned or followed. Last month, the store that I work in came into new management. He came in like a storm and immediately tried to change everything. It was miserable. Instead of embracing what he wanted to improve, I fought it. I went home from each shift I worked looking for a new job because I refused to work under this man who wanted to change things for the simple need to feel power. I wouldn’t communicate my concerns either, I just was upset and pissy and immature. This doesn’t benefit anybody. I contacted other stores to transfer and was ready to “jump ship.” And after that was in motion I thought about what it said about me to run from a problem after 2 weeks of feeling uncomfortable. I knew that I had to talk to him and change the way I thought and accept the changes he wanted to bring in. Since I decided to communicate and bend in my ways a little it felt like a weight had been lifted. I get along with him much better than I thought I could and was pleased to learn that he had no idea he was being viewed as the man on the power trip. We’ve all been working together to find a middle ground for the changes he wants to make and the way had originally been doing things. Now that I have chosen to stay and deal with the uncomfortable changes I feel a lot better. I feel like it was a growing experience I needed, I always knew I was stubborn but had an epiphany once the dust settled with this situation

I know I am all over the place here, but I learned that for me it is easier to feel and express dislike and negativity. It weighs heavy in my heart and makes me feel ugly, but it is just easier for me. Why is that easier than expressing and feeling  joy for a situation? I need to feel an overall improvement in my health and I believe that changing my the way I think about things and view the world is what needs to change first. I need to learn to accept change. I need to learn the accept that someone can feel strongly about something one day and change their mind the next. I need to learn that its all right to be inconsistent. Even if I am not learning to accept change specifically, I need to learn to ACCEPT at all. My goal for the next week is to simply accept. I want to be able to support the people around me and be comfortable with the idea that we are all wired differently and don’t all need to same things to feel good. I want to be able to listen to the way someone else deals with their daily struggles and not judge that they do it differently than I would, but rather support and listen to what the person close to me needs.

I want to let go of my stubborn mindset. I want to learn to accept.

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