I don't know where I am going, but I am on my way.

Fried Green Tomatoes

I’m in the midst of one of the laziest weeks I have had in a while. It has been the absolute best. Since Thanksgiving I have felt like I’ve been non-stop so to take these past few days for myself has been much needed, more so than I thought. Anyways, I have been spending my time meal prepping, wedding planning (getting addresses is exhausting!), watching movies, and I have even worked out a bit. Amazing, I know, I can’t believe I worked out either. My arms have been sore the past two days which is exactly what I need to change to feel a little better in my wedding dress!
So, today I watched the movie Fried Green Tomatoes, it was so good. I can’t believe I have lived my whole life without seeing this movie. It was so inspiring. A movie about strong women loving and encouraging each other was what I needed. I loved watching Kathy Bates character, Evelyn, grow through her relationship with Ninny and the stories she told of Idgie and Ruth. These girls were a wild pair that did what they wanted despite how society told them to live their lives at the time and they were so happy doing it. They had big hearts and deeply cared for the people around them and it came through in Ninny’s tales. I am not going to break down the whole movie, but after finishing it I feel happy and at ease. It seems slightly silly, but after watching Evelyn grow into her own powerful woman I feel like I can conquer anything as well. I’m neither ignored by my significant other nor afraid to speak out about what’s on my mind, but If Evelyn can learn to speak her mind and get her unhappy ass to a gym to take charge, then damn it, so can I! Every time I feel lazy or down on myself I’ll just have to channel my inner Towanda. Such a funny word can take up so much meaning. Watching Kathy Bates smash into the younger woman’s car screaming “Towanda!” was one of the funniest scenes I had watched in a long time.
My lazy week will soon come to a close tonight (what? But it’s only Friday?). I start work again tomorrow at 5 am and don’t have another day off until next Friday! Wish me luck; it’s hard to stay on track with my healthy eating when I work up and down hours all over the place. Hopefully all the meal prepping I did can keep me in line for the first few days or so. By the way, what is meal prepping anyway? I made a bunch of chicken that I put in a plastic container in my fridge, along with prepped veggies and spinach. Am I doing it right?

Towanda.

I Put That Sh*t on Everything

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This here is chimichurri. I made it the other night to go over steaks for dinner and I just can’t get enough of it. I have had it before, but I was pleasantly surprised at how easy it was to make. Since steak night I have used it once a day at least as either a salad dressing, with my eggs, I dipped plantain chips, and so on. If I could make yummy fresh salsas/dips/marinades like this to keep on hand all of the time life would be more simple and delicious.
I told myself that this year I was going to transform into a healthier version of myself and so far, so good. I am down four pounds and I feel good about the things I am eating. I don’t want to call myself paleo, but I will go with paleo-ish . It’s been exciting to go grocery shopping and meal plan. I feel like it’s really going to work this time around, because I have Chase on board the health train for the first time. I don’t NEED him to be healthy in order for me to be healthy, but it makes it a hell of a lot easier!
I received an e-mail from the boutique I got my wedding dress at with details for my first fitting in a couple months. One of the main points was to be your ideal weight for the first fitting or further alterations past that will continue to grow in cost. This sort of motivated me to finally get serious. Maybe I’ll actually work out tonight…?

Let’s not get too crazy.

Being an Adult is Rough.

My 2015 so far has been hectic. I started off in the best way possible. I went to the restaurant that Chase is sous at and hung out at the bar with the significant others of his work family and toasted and celebrated the New Year with them. It was great. And then the unavoidable hangover hit the morning of January 1st and it has been downhill since then. I didn’t get out of bed until 2 pm, which honestly was awesome. I made a delicious “breakfast” of hash browns, pancakes, and bacon and covered everything in syrup!
Anyways, other than my hangover breakfast I had been in kind of a funk. I wasn’t interested in friends or the things Chase was saying anymore. I had already posted a rant about my stress and my shitty apartments. I had this overwhelming feeling that I couldn’t articulate. I was irritable and I just “couldn’t even.” Aha…really though. We have a lot going on this year, our lease in Charleston is up in May, we get married in California in August, and there is a lot happening in between. We want to start a farm as I previously mentioned but neither of us have a job that allows to pay for more than an apartments rent and groceries. We are comfortable, but have a hard time saving, not to mention I have student loans to worry about.
2015 holds a year of many decisions for us, many very adult decisions we have never been faced with. It has been easy for us to get the things we want, because we haven’t thought bigger picture. Now we actually have to budget, and we have to decide where we want to settle and start a farm and how we are going to get there. We need to decide whether or not we are ready to close the Charleston chapter of our lives. Should we honeymoon after the wedding or set up a “help start our farm” fund for our gift registry? How does paying my students loans work into owning a home? There are just so many things to consider this year that I had never thought about seriously before.
It took me 10 days to figure out that I was being burdened with an incredible amount of financial stress, health stress, and stress about change. At this point, Chase was obviously struggling with how to talk to me since I was acting like a crazy person, so he was relieved when I had finally opened up to him about the things floating around in my head. We had a great talk about the things we want and how to achieve them, slowly but surely we will figure everything out together. No decisions have been made, but at least we are both on the same page.
In other news, I had made a slightly pre-New Year’s resolution to be healthier and so far so good. I kicked it off officially on the first Monday of the New Year and have lost 3 pounds this week. I haven’t added working out into my lifestyle yet, but baby steps, okay? My journey to consistently eat real food AND get Chase to eat real food is a work out enough. As I enter week 2 of #healthylifestyles I hope to work out at least twice, which sounds stupid but it would be a lot for me. Wish me luck!

The Writing on the…Ceiling.

The apartment complex I live in is a piece of shit, to put it politely. The maintenance men are very nice people and I am sure that they are doing the best with what they are given, but since we moved in over a year and a half ago our ceiling has leaked. After at least one complaint a month about the leak in my ceiling or my window frame nothing has been done. They keep telling us the apartments need a new roof, but it isn’t getting done, I guess? They are providing us with quick fixes that don’t last through more than two southern rain storms.
Recently, a huge water mark has formed in the ceiling, there isn’t any leaking, but you can visibly see where large pools of water gather just above the surface. After another complaint last week, we were told they were really going to fix the problem this time, but a week later (today) there was a lot of rain and the spot grew larger. In addition to the leaking ceiling, our smoke alarm always goes off because there is no actual ventilation system in the kitchen, and there are always at least 2 laundry machines of the 3 not working. This may sound like whining, but it is so stressful to be out of the apartment when it’s raining, because I am never sure if I am going to go home to a ruined apartment. You may ask, “Why the hell do you still live there?” And the answer is, we have chosen to stay in these apartments for so long, because they are the cheapest option for our downtown area and in the best location for our jobs.
Anyways, coming home to a larger water stain tonight has really lit a fire under my ass. Our plan has been to travel around for a little while before we settle in one place and have children. We had been researching our next destination and trying to figure out how to fit that into our lives while planning around our wedding. Lately, my passion has drifted to something way different than I would have expected to love. I have become so interested in started a farm and garden with heritage pigs and chickens and making that my life. Chase got me a book on raising pigs for Christmas and I have been so excited to read and start researching that kind of a life and the things I need to do and learn to get there.
My struggle right now is whether or not I am ready to shift dreams. Should we suffer through the next couple months of our lease here and move back to get married while house/farm hunting to dive into what we want to do? Or, should we stick with our original plan and move to the next destination? Part of me feels like moving home to really save for our future goals of a farm would be like letting everyone down, because we had spoken so much about our big plans to move everywhere and experience everything. But lately, Chase has been stressed at work to the point that he is beginning to lose passion for food and being in the kitchen which is breaking my heart. I’ve become tired of my routine here, as well as missing my family. I love the family and life we have built for ourselves in Charleston, but I am having a very difficult time comprehending that this chapter of our lives should end soon.
How does one make the decision to shift gears and go in a completely different direction when they had been so sure of what they wanted before? I shouldn’t really make any drastic decisions while under the influence of fury from apartment’s incompetence. But the whole situation has made me put things in perspective. What am I doing in these apartments still and what is my end game in Charleston? What is future plan here, Briana?! Maybe moving closing to my family again and pursuing the farm is the best idea for us if that is really what we want to do? Why not, right?
I just never want to move back home and get stuck in a cycle that most people from our town fall into. He will stereotypically begin working at the town’s chemical plant to save money and I will get whatever quick job I can to save money and we will get pregnant and comfortable and never leave. I am too pessimistic. 2015 so far has been all about hating everything; it isn’t a good look on me.

I am thinking too much, goodnight.

A Typical New Year’s Resolution

I am writing this post before the New Year as a jump-start to my New Year’s resolution. For most of my life I have wanted to be a writer, but never pursued it. When my fiancé and I made the decision to move across the country everyone told me that I should blog about my everyday adventures, but I didn’t. The story of my life seems to revolve around a list of things I haven’t done. I have previously written about how I am tired of procrastinating and lazy, but I still haven’t done anything about it (go figure). For 2015, I really hope to improve my lifestyle.
My fiancé, Chase, has a tagline for his life which is simply the word “lifestyles,” this has taken on new meaning to my own life over the past year. This word started as a bit of a headache for me, but quickly became something I embraced. One of our favorite things to say is “that is SO lifestyles,” I have no idea how to explain what this even means to someone who isn’t around us, but it works for us. My life will be lived to the full potential of lifestyles. I need to begin by improving my health. Chase and I both have slipped away from any form of a healthy lifestyle. Neither of us work out, we don’t eat well, and we have a very unhealthy sleep schedule. We are often tired and lazy and we are becoming fed up with feeling this way. We have decided together to become healthy for 2015 and I am very excited for the adventure.
Secondly, I would like to start using this blog more often. Last year (well, this year), I had a lot going on in my life. I am engaged and across the country from anyone in my family trying to plan a wedding. My family and Chase’s family are very close, so both of our mothers have strong opinions on how this wedding should go which I am thankful for, but also stressed out about. It’s nice to know that I have the support and excitement from two separate families, but it is so hard to appease everyone in the process while trying not to hurt anyone’s feelings. Anyways, it would have been nice to share the ups and downs of planning on FaceTime, text message and Google docs in real time. In addition to wedding planning, there are plenty of other things going on that I wish I could document and ideas I want to share for either myself or anyone who cares to read.
Thirdly, I need a second job of some sort. Financially we are comfortable, but we have no wiggle room. So the third goal is to either learn how to save money better than I do now or to get a second job. I barely see Chase enough as it is so I am not sure how working two jobs will fit into that equation, but a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do, right?
I know that none of this shit makes sense and that I ramble and that my thoughts aren’t necessarily complete, but I’ll figure it out. My priority is to blog more, it’ll make my life seem more exciting. The first step is blogging again within the next 20 days, that’ll be a record for me! On that note, I hope everybody had a great 2014!

Bring it on, 2015.

The Challenge of Acceptance.

Why does it always seem easier to harbor anger and negativity than to accept the things we have no control over and move on? The hardest challenges I have been through in my life have occurred, because I can not accept change. The changes I often don’t welcome into my life are the things that actually have no affect on the things that happen to me. For example, I lost my best friend in college because I did not like her boyfriend who had hurt her many times. In the end, she was able to forgive and accept him back into her life as her significant other, but I could not accept him and as a result of that I also lost my relationship with her. I always blamed her for changing and for settling and all that bull shit, but realistically why the hell did should it have been my business? It shouldn’t have. That is the simple answer. I saw that my friend was hurt, I was there for her and she took him back, but when I saw that my friend was so happy after it was all said and done, why couldn’t I accept that.

I work for Starbucks. I love my job.I am good at my job. It is  not very hard, but at times it can be stressful. I am used to things changing frequently within the company, every 4-6 months there is a new policy or a new routine that is to be learned or followed. Last month, the store that I work in came into new management. He came in like a storm and immediately tried to change everything. It was miserable. Instead of embracing what he wanted to improve, I fought it. I went home from each shift I worked looking for a new job because I refused to work under this man who wanted to change things for the simple need to feel power. I wouldn’t communicate my concerns either, I just was upset and pissy and immature. This doesn’t benefit anybody. I contacted other stores to transfer and was ready to “jump ship.” And after that was in motion I thought about what it said about me to run from a problem after 2 weeks of feeling uncomfortable. I knew that I had to talk to him and change the way I thought and accept the changes he wanted to bring in. Since I decided to communicate and bend in my ways a little it felt like a weight had been lifted. I get along with him much better than I thought I could and was pleased to learn that he had no idea he was being viewed as the man on the power trip. We’ve all been working together to find a middle ground for the changes he wants to make and the way had originally been doing things. Now that I have chosen to stay and deal with the uncomfortable changes I feel a lot better. I feel like it was a growing experience I needed, I always knew I was stubborn but had an epiphany once the dust settled with this situation

I know I am all over the place here, but I learned that for me it is easier to feel and express dislike and negativity. It weighs heavy in my heart and makes me feel ugly, but it is just easier for me. Why is that easier than expressing and feeling  joy for a situation? I need to feel an overall improvement in my health and I believe that changing my the way I think about things and view the world is what needs to change first. I need to learn to accept change. I need to learn the accept that someone can feel strongly about something one day and change their mind the next. I need to learn that its all right to be inconsistent. Even if I am not learning to accept change specifically, I need to learn to ACCEPT at all. My goal for the next week is to simply accept. I want to be able to support the people around me and be comfortable with the idea that we are all wired differently and don’t all need to same things to feel good. I want to be able to listen to the way someone else deals with their daily struggles and not judge that they do it differently than I would, but rather support and listen to what the person close to me needs.

I want to let go of my stubborn mindset. I want to learn to accept.

The Art of Consuming Alcohol

Many have mastered it, but I am not one of the few. I am a 25 year old woman and I have an unhealthy relationship with drinking. I vary between stages of enjoying a beer or two and drinking until I can’t remember coming home. I have always had a problem with understanding my limits and I feel that as I get older my understanding grows worse.
I live with a man who wants to be my husband, and it’s gotten to the point where I can’t go out with my friends and come back trashed and think it’s funny or cute, that’s not how a wife should act. Not a wife that he deserves, anyway.
Recently (and by recently I mean 2 days ago) I decided that I needed to start a journey to health. Mind, body, and spirit or something like that. I have been in a weird place lately and feel that becoming healthier in all Aspects will help. And as part of my journey I have decided that cutting all drinking out for a month to text how great my body ( and my wallet) will after that time. I do enjoy a good beer or a delicious cocktail from time to time so I don’t anticipate never drinking again, I just think I need to cut it off as reintroduce myself to it in a healthier way. Let’s see if I can hold myself to it.